And now the quiet of waiting

I submitted the various records necessary for evaluation to Columbia University and I await their conclusions. It is very difficult to wait for their response. Obviously to me the matter is of utmost importance. And apparently it is to Sarah at Columbia as well. She has just sent me an email saying that she has received the package and will review it. She says they will try to get back to me tomorrow. The hardest part of any process is the waiting.

I am having trouble with my attitude these days. The chemo is weakening me more every day. I sleep later each day and have less energy. Yesterday took a very large toll on my energy, all the excitement of having a possibility of surgery left me shaking and distracted all day. I had dinner with friends and was even home fairly early last night. But today I am exhausted. I slept until nearly noon. I weighed myself and of course I had lost more weight. I find that concentration is beyond me. I have very little energy. Making something to eat is a serious challenge. I finally managed to make a sandwich and another protein drink. That helped some but still I feel like I am just wandering through life. Tomorrow I have my next chemo infusion and that will sap me of more strength.

I am supposed to drive out to see some friends for a camping trip tomorrow after the chemo. Right now that is looking very tentative. I should start packing for it today so I can get going when the time comes. Such an endeavor just looks so far away today. And I wonder whether it is really my energy level or my attitude that is the problem. I am losing at least a pound, sometimes two, a day nowadays. (I changed out my Levi's from 36 inch waist to 34 waist, and they are baggy already.) That must have something to do with not getting any nutrition out of my food. But I have no real method of telling just how true that might be. I know my concentration is nil, I can barely type a few words without having to go back and correct my spelling. I can barely read an article on the internet without losing my focus. Not long ago I would study a particular point for hours, reading every link I found until I understood the situation fairly well. Today I can hardly finish any one article. Part of it may be just being cooped up here in the house and not getting out. It is nearly 2 pm and I am still in my pajamas. A regular fireball of activity I am.

I'll post more when I hear back from Columbia.