Not just checking to see if anybody is out there. I was cancer free. Two, maybe three weeks ago I found out that my oncologist suspects that I have kidney cancer. Fucking kidney cancer. This is not the pancreatic cancer I dealt with before. It is a new threat. But, not to worry he says, kidney cancer is very slow growing, he is more worried about the pancreatic cancer coming back. Great, sharks or gators, one or the other is gonna get me.
I go in for a meet with urology at UT Southwest on the 23rd of this month. I'm twisted, worried, confused, and pretty much pissed off and all sorts of other emotions. How the fuck does a guy deal with this stuff? Not like normal people I'll bet. Most people get to deal one or two things, the IRS, maybe an ex-wife, or something petty. Me,I get to deal with serial cancer. Fuck. Lucky me.
To be continued...
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I have to deal with pancreatic cancer too. I just live one day at a time, that's all anyone can do, cancer diagnosis or no diagnosis. No one is really promised tomorrow, it's just ones perspective. Whatever time I have, I've decided to enjoy not worrying, or being angry about the hand I've been dealt. It's a choice I make daily and actually, I think it has contributed to my health. Trust God, and just live.
ReplyDeleteDon't look at dying, look at living. I never thought about dying, just how I was going to live. I decided, one day at a time, make that day as normal as possible. It may have worked. I am still alive, 18 months after diagnosis.
ReplyDeleteTonight I was out on the deck lifting weights to build back my muscle mass. Just have to deal the hand you are dealt. Everybody gets their own hand dealt to them.
Life, The Ultimate Choice.