Best advice I ever gave anyone is "listen to yourself". Not just figuratively, though that is a good idea. But literally too. I reread my post of last night and I see why the changes to my attitude are happening today. I have also had occasion to view a film that tells the audience over and over again that what you think of things becomes the way your life goes. Apparently I haven't been thinking about things effectively lately. Late last night into this morning I had another occasion where I did think effectively and today the change is happening.

I had chemo today. My last scheduled one. But I also am that much closer to the CT. I got what I consider to be positive responses form my oncologist. We are both hoping for the best, but in the mean time he has said that most likely I am looking at a 6 week holiday from chemo. That is still on track. I can see at least a brief respite from chemo brain. And my attention to detail started returning however slowly.

I have a project that I am just starting to do some research for some people. It has me excited. I will get to dig way deep into thousands of obscure sources and data and assemble a picture that makes sense in terms of what is likely to happen down the road. I really, really like dong that kind of work. A redneck jack Ryan if you will. This is going to change the way I look at the world in many ways. For one, something to do. For another, something complex and challenging to do, and informative to me. That and the CNC milling machine station both took a solid move forward over the last several hours. I recovered enough composure to order some of the basic parts. Once my body calms down from the infusion chemicals I will light off the saw and start construction and by early next week I intend to have it assembled. The website, well, it will have to come about in another surge of effort. The products of my research should show up on that new site in a few weeks.

The upside is that the research project will likely get me social again. The other night I made a brief speech in front of the people I am doing the research for and got an ovation when I finished. A few people came to enlist my help in their interests as well. It is political in nature but my work will be fact seeking research for myself that I share with them. I am gearing my research to the intent of understanding where the situation is and where it is going. I don't care about political partisanship as much as I care about where and why the players are taking which directions. That is news people can use to understand the system. It is not just issues, it is who is driving the issues and why, what they can do with it that effort and what will likely happen despite their efforts. I intend to play that all to my advantage in terms of being of interest to people. Some people will not like my work. Some others will. But everybody will have a use for it. Least wise that is the goal and direction I will start in.

Meantime, tonight I go through another lost Thursday night of steroid overload. It is nearly midnight and I am cooking, no matter what I do or take it still rockets forward. No sleep tonight. Maybe by morning I can grab an hour or two. A few weeks ago I was on those same steroids when I though of the CNC milling machine, that is going to happen next week. that logjam got broke today, or rather early this morning. I studied the plans and made them stick inside my head. I have the picture, now I can make the reality. The research project is being defined and the team I might collaborate with is slowly coming together. Same with so many things. Listen to yourself. Tell yourself what to see and you eventually will see it and possibly make it happen.