Here I am, writing again. Nothing to say really. Just having the usual questions of who am I really and what am I doing here? I had those feelings before I got diagnosed with a life threatening disease. They just seem more appropriate now.

I met with my new therapist. This one is a real doctor. We made some progress. He made me feel comfortable and he made me think about things and he gave me some ideas. That may have been a real good change for the better. Especially since what he said about my statements to him about my life made me feel comfortable, his words were believable and direct. That is what this is all about, my life and my pursuit of it. From there things just keep tumbling forward.

I have fewer questions about my life. I have more resolve to pursue it. It could be called focus. All of these things will get tested as my life goes forward. (For those of you thinking that I am being self indulgent, yes, I am. But this is my blog. If you want to get self indulgent, start your own blog.) Of the many things that are more clear, there is the awful truth that as much as I want to find it, there probably is no silver bullet to solve my life and all of the problems I feel I have. It all comes to baby steps; a little step here, a little progress there. I just don't have the strict time schedule so much anymore; time is not that important.

One thing do I notice is that I feel like I understand where I felt off balance. No, I didn't say 'why' I said 'where'. And oddly enough my life stopped having so much of that shaky feeling, as if I was somewhere I did not belong. It is a modest start. I feel pretty good about it too. I picture myself as a traveler of space and time, shedding trinkets in search of a better life. When I stop searching it will be because I will have discovered that I already had it, I just didn't have it in the pocket I thought it was in.

As my favorite author P.J. O'Rourke claims to have said to his father in a conversation regarding his mother having lost her finger. "Did she look behind the refrigerator?"