It was a very busy weekend. My in laws came in from California. They came out specifically to visit me and see how I was doing. I thought that was kind of odd, I have my blog to keep everybody posted, it seems to work well for that purpose. But my father in law drove for three days to get here, on his way to three other places, all equally geographically diverse to visit his family that has spread across a few states. My in laws are in their eighties and his family is not quite as healthy as he is. He has lost a few siblings over the recent years. He loves to drive, he finds peace and solitude in that venture. He also removes his hearing aid so the trip is even more peaceful. It may well be that my mother in law never figured out that he was not hearing a thing she said. Just as well, had he heard his trip might not have been so peaceful. Usually when they come by I have a trip planned, I once left on a nine state ride the day after they arrived. Another time I left for South Dakota. This time I did not have other places to be. We had a nice visit and talked about my cancer and how well I was doing. My mother in law assured Janice that I was in good health and would be okay. The in laws left early this morning.

My neighbor had his birthday party Saturday night. He had quite the list of friends come to wish him well. The pergola and the new concrete that was poured was in preparation for this event. His wife wanted it to be perfect. She was going off on various episodes about how she wanted it to all be perfect and she was worried about people not having a good time. I told her to just let them be an things would be fine. I promised her I would come to her and tell her I was not having a good time if she kept worrying about it. The party and the people went very well, I had some beer and talked with quite a few people, maybe even started a few new friendships. Afterward, my neighbor and I sat on my deck and talked till early morning. He and I have several things in common, and we talk about them when we can. That was a good opportunity. We talk about a wide range of subjects, things we are interested in and the things we suspect about the world. When it was over I was extremely relaxed, tired and very relaxed.

Being completely relaxed was the problem a few minutes later when I went to the bathroom and removed my shirt. I caught a view of me with my bald head and the medi-port in my shoulder. It hit me like bricks falling off a moving truck. It was as if I had never seen it before, the evidence that I have cancer and that I am being treated for it. I stared at it all like it was a personal freak show. It had a very serious effect on me. Even the next morning I was still shaken. I had to start my day with an anti anxiety pill. It took most of the day to shake the feeling I had got the night before. I would compare it to a cowboy who has just been thrown and hurt by a big, mean bull, and five minutes later he draws that same bull to ride all over again. Got to get over that experience to go through it all again.

Sunday morning I got news that my sister in law had died from the cancer that had come out of remission after several years. She was doing fine then she had major troubles and ended up in the hospital for several weeks. Last time I saw her the cancer had taken everything and left her barely able to understand what was happening. And now it is over for her. Her two sons came to see me after a long day of making arrangements. They had told everyone about the news and their day was done and they wanted to visit with me. We sat and talked about the family, some of the things we had seen and done as family and what was happening to them now. We had a few beers and talked for as long as I could hold out. Finally the night was over and we said goodbye. The world had changed for them, they wanted to find something that might give them some sort of permanence and reassurance and they came to see me. I felt honored.

I have been fixing things and planting and working on all the things around the house. I keep telling myself that it is all because this stuff has gone bad since I got sick. That is not entirely true. Sure, the radiator went out on my car and I had to fix that. But planting trees and bushes, and patching the lawn out front, all stuff that needs done but on no urgent schedule. Then I had to fix the fridge in the garage because the defrost timer went out, now that was immediate, that is where I keep my beer. That had to be fixed. Got the part first thing this morning. Fixed it and now I am waiting for it to reach that ice cold beer temperature. But the power washer has been giving me fits since I got it and I have tried to get it straight. I spent money on new parts and assembled and reassembled it a few times. Today it still wasn't working right so I took to a pro to have it fixed. I hate having to acknowledge I can't fix something so that really pained me. But getting everything in working order and redoing gardens and planting flowers and taking out bushes, those are things I am doing to feel like I have a permanence. It gives me more reasons to stick around to watch all that stuff grow into the vision I have for the yard. It gives me a feeling that I am going to be around to see it all and enjoy it. I intend to be.