We sat and talked today for about 14 hours. My friend and my wife and I sat on the deck and talked from 10:30 this morning to just a while ago, it is now nearly 1 AM. I never thought that was possible. Three people talking that long about abstract thoughts and memories and possibilities and options. We feasted on snacks and then some spit roasted chicken and then more food and talked some more. We drank beer and wine and I slipped a sip of scotch in.

Tomorrow my friend will leave for the coast. I will be very sorry to see him leave but I feel very good that he came to see me. I have learned much about life this weekend. It will take me days to explain it because it will take at least that long to understand what happened.

I went to my sister in law's memorial service yesterday. What struck me first was how much of my life she shared, how much I did not notice or appreciate. The first realization was when a picture of my brother was shown in the memorial slide show. Then more pictures of my family and my nephews and niece. Lives get intertwined without a preceding agreement, and they stay intertwined forever. It isn't something you can just put down and walk away from. I have obligations I cannot ignore like I have done for a bit longer than I should have.

Driving the point home further were the younger people at the service who wished me well. I have to admit I was dumbfounded they even remembered me, yet they did. Yet more of that lack of trust issue I have. I never realized how much my self reliance and lack of trust issues separate me from the people around me. I have so much to learn. Those young people made me feel like I was more alive than I ever have felt. More lessons from this episode. I want to find a way to let the feeling get back to them and the other people I met and talked to. Life is not just living your life, it is being in other people's lives as well, and being a whole person with substance. I will take on that responsibility with gusto.

As soon as I get some sleep and consider what it is that I can contribute to the lives around me. This is where it gets into the unknown. Trust is an abstract concept to most people, I only discovered it recently. Hit rock bottom just once and life throws more stuff at you than you ever imagined even existed. It will take a craftsman in human emotion to put these pieces together; somebody who just got their head knocked sideways and cleaned out. Tonight I will sleep better than I have in a long time, and tomorrow will be a better day.

My journey starts tomorrow.