Off to New York

Today I leave for New York. I cannot think of any time in my life that I have been more uneasy. Tomorrow I check in to the hospital for a seven hour operation. After that I will be sedated for another day or two in the Intensive Care Unit. Once I am stable I will be moved to a semi-private room for a few more days. After that I will be in a 'hotel' run by the American Cancer Society for about 10 days. That confirmation came Friday at 5 PM. So all the details are worked out now.

What is not worked out is the uneasy feeling I have about all this. On the one hand, the cancer is terminal. On the other hand the operation or follow on complications can kill me too. The advantage I have is that this surgical team is very familiar with the procedures because they do it often. Then there is the truth I learned when I studied all my risks with pancreatic cancer - statistics don't mean anything until you are one. So, even with a low statistical percentage of patient mortality, there still is one. So I look at this as very much unexplored territory, it is my trip through the risks of a lengthy surgery and recovery. I wonder if I will ever be 'the same'. Certainly I am already changed forever by the cancer, just how this surgery will change that situation I am not sure.

I will be gone for three weeks starting today. I have left instructions for my wife to post here if she can to keep everyone informed. I will not be able to post until I return. My access to this account and most of my other means of communications will cease today as I am not allowed a computer in the hospital and I am not sure about the Cancer Society lodge whether it even has internet access. I will probably have to rely on word of mouth via telephone contacts to get the word on my condition out.

So, there it is. I am absolutely up against a wall, the next few weeks will have a major impact on my life. I have to turn off as much emotion as I can and just weather this episode. Good luck to all of you. See you in three weeks.