April 11

The blood sugar swings are because my pancreas is very erratic. And because my liver is screwed up. I was eating anything and everything I could lay my hands on but that proved to be a foolish move. I tended to eat things that went straight to sugar. Now I am more careful and I am using insulin. But that is not my major concern. Just staying alive long enough to get through the chemo is the first priority. It is a pretty shitty situation. The chemo makes me sick as hell but I have to keep on trucking no matter what. So I sleep a lot, I try to conserve my energy and I work with Janice to keep eating the right stuff.

Near as I can tell the chemo effects are going to get worse over time. The chemo has to make it pretty miserable for the cancer cells so they will stop spreading. I am not real happy to know that but on the other hand it has a very nasty cancer to kill, in two vital organs in my body. This is going to be a fight. I am very glad they gave me carte blanche on the pain pills. You have no idea how bad you can feel and how much pain you can survive until you feel it. I thought my broken leg hurt. My gut can hurt like hell and then hurt even worse from my pancreas, my liver, or my stomach, or just about anywhere else. There is a phrase called breakthrough pain, it means pain that suddenly erupts and sharpens then lingers before it fades. That shit hurts real bad. It usually goes for a few cycles before it changes and then hurts slightly different. The nice part is when I take two hydrocodon and lay back and feel the pains wink out one by one. Then I get some sleep. These pills I have are about the strongest you can get. When I first tried one, just one, I got all loopy. Now two barely touch me but they eventually control the pain. Which reminds me, time for two more. In about 20 minutes I'll be relaxed and asleep.

Cancer sucks.