April 11

Wanted to let you know I was doing better. I had to take pain pills this morning, the first time I needed them in the morning. Seems like the chemo is getting deep into my system. There is a lot of pain in my gut. The diabetes/blood sugar issue is really nasty now. I have to consider everything for how much sugar it might have. The swings in blood sugar levels are incredible. I range from about 200 to 600+ in a few hours.

Mentally I am pretty much overwhelmed by it all. Things are happening that just wash over me and I have to deal with them best as I can. My world is drawn down to minute by minute most of the time. Occasionally I can look up and venture into the rest of the world, sometimes I just lay there and hope sleep will come over me so I can move on without pain and discomfort. Sleep is my one escape.

I ponder having some 8 more weeks of chemo and what misery that might bring. I have got to toughen up, this is going to be difficult.