April 3

Got my port today. Jesus do I look like walking wounded. It seriously looks like I got shot, only no hole, just the underlying wound. I also finally got a FULL night's sleep last night. That hasn't happened in a month or more. I feel good actually, even considering that my right shoulder feels like I been shot.

I waver now between believing I am going to die and believing I am going to live. Somehow, it just seems a little hard to vacillate between those two extremes, but here I am doing it. When I read the stats on pancreatic cancer, I know I am going to die. Nobody can beat those odds. Then I see what they are going to do and that these people honestly believe I can make it, well, maybe I can. I got a lot of people pulling for me, I got a lot of people who care. That makes me want to beat the odds, long as they are. This may not be over yet.