April 5

I start my chemo tomorrow. That is the oral chemo. I had a 'port' put in my neck this past week. It is so they can access my veins through one place without having to stick me numerous times. I will utilize the crude contraption this coming Thursday when they inject me with two other noxious chemicals in the name of science and medicine.

Mostly the reason I don't write much is I don't feel so good. Yeah, I have pains and all that from the cancer, but the worst part is the lack of physical strength. The cancer is shutting down my digestive track and what does get through to nourish me the cancer seems to consume most of it. Yesterday I had a day that should have been light activity day. Or at least it used to be. This time I had to sleep all day today to recover. You would be amazed how little you enjoy life when your body just doesn't have the energy to appreciate a beautiful day. I'm not complaining, just saying how it is.

People have said I am a survivor and that I can take this fight on and win. I know it is a tough one. You have seen the odds. I am stage IV with pancreatic and liver cancer. That's pretty much a death sentence. This week I start the fight for my life. If there is no progress in the next six weeks there likely will be none. That sort of scares me, but dying doesn't. Sometimes I take a different perspective and I realize just how serious the odds are against me. Other times I wonder how embarrassing it is going to be to have to write people and say I am not going to die, I just almost died but I didn't really. I wonder if they'll feel cheated or something. I guess I may find out.