April 22

Today was a very good day for me. I had a ton of energy and the Oxycontin worked well so no pain. The cool thing is that the Oxycontin does not fog my mind. I can drive, handle things happening, do just about anything I normally would. I rode my motorcycle while I ran around getting all sorts of little things done. It was nice weather and clear skies, beautiful day for riding. Even got a haircut in the off chance that the chemo doesn't cost me my hair.

These days I have good physical days and good mental days, today was good physically. But there is no escaping the enormity of my situation. It really tries my whole being. Today I was so optimistic, things were looking good. Then a little bit of a commercial about some benevolent fund working on a cure for pancreatic cancer. The numbers just jumped off the screen and nailed me. This is some serious shit I am in. It ain't far off and away over some mountain, it is here in the chair with me and it is really fucking real. Enough to make your hair turn gray.